It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I need to sanitize my soul.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
