He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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