Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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