I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
