i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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