i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
