i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
