I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
