My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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