So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
