No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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