a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
