I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
