Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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