Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
