my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
