I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
