i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
