i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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