I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
