So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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