Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
