she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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