I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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