Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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