I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
