STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You took a bar mat shot.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
