Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
