I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got chris browned last night
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is it because I queefed?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
