I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
