i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
only you would photoshop your dick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
third nipple confirmed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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