Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
