Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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