I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
