i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
