I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
birth control should be required to get into college
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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