my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
