Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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