I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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