Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize