What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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