i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
