that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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