Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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