you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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