Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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