2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
