U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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