So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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