If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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