I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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