Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
